The New Transportation Security Administration
Everyone knows that the TSA is a parasitic band of thugs, but if you point it out, the terrirists(sic) will win!
To clarify its mission to a confused and bewildered public, the TSA has unveiled a rebranding effort that should appease the mobs of outraged citizens that dare point out that the emperor is as naked as if he lived inside a Rapescan(sic) machine.
The new TSA emblem and mascot:
The new official TSA motto will be:
“We give hand-jobs to the world.”
And will be accompanied by a series of new slogans:
- “Can’t see London, can’t see France, unless we see your underpants.”
- “Grope discounts available.”
- “If we did our job any better we’d have to buy you dinner first.”
- “Only we know if Lady Gaga is really a lady.”
- “Don’t worry, my hands are still warm from the last guy.”
- “Wanna fly? Drop your fly.”
- “We are now free to move about your underpants.”
- “It’s not a grope. It is a Freedom Pat!”
- “When in doubt, we make you whip it out.”
- “TSA: Touchin', Squeezin', Arrestin'.”
- “You were** a virgin.”
- “We handle more packages than the USPS.”
- “We are making air travel a touching experience.”
- “Your naked photos are safe with us.”
- “If you don’t let us touch your boobs, we’ll have you arrested.”
- “Grabbing Security by the Balls!”
The Department of Homeland Security has also published a very informational book to help educate small children about the essential importance of the agency’s mission:
The TSA offers you choice:
- We’re the TSA and You Can Count on Us! (to overreact to tiny threats and ignore big ones) - By Reason TV.
- Michael Yon Detained, Handcuffed by CBP in Seattle Airport.
- TSA can’t believe MacBook Air is a real laptop, causes owner to miss flight.
- Thousands Standing Around - Testimonials from people that have enjoyed the pleasurable services of the TSA.
- TSA Waste.