The New Transportation Security Administration

Everyone knows that the TSA is a parasitic band of thugs, but if you point it out, the terrirists(sic) will win!

To clarify its mission to a confused and bewildered public, the TSA has unveiled a rebranding effort that should appease the mobs of outraged citizens that dare point out that the emperor is as naked as if he lived inside a Rapescan(sic) machine.

The new TSA emblem and mascot:

The new official TSA motto will be:

“We give hand-jobs to the world.”

And will be accompanied by a series of new slogans:

• “Can’t see London, can’t see France, unless we see your underpants.”
• “Grope discounts available.”
• “If we did our job any better we’d have to buy you dinner first.”
• “Only we know if Lady Gaga is really a lady.”
• “Don’t worry, my hands are still warm from the last guy.”
• “Wanna fly? Drop your fly.”
• “We are now free to move about your underpants.”
• “It’s not a grope. It is a Freedom Pat!”
• “When in doubt, we make you whip it out.”
• “TSA: Touchin', Squeezin', Arrestin'.”
• “You were** a virgin.”
• “We handle more packages than the USPS.”
• “We are making air travel a touching experience.”
• “Your naked photos are safe with us.”
• “If you don’t let us touch your boobs, we’ll have you arrested.”
• “Grabbing Security by the Balls!”

The Department of Homeland Security has also published a very informational book to help educate small children about the essential importance of the agency’s mission:

The TSA offers you choice:

Links

• We’re the TSA and You Can Count on Us! (to overreact to tiny threats and ignore big ones) - By Reason TV.
• Michael Yon Detained, Handcuffed by CBP in Seattle Airport.
• TSA can’t believe MacBook Air is a real laptop, causes owner to miss flight.
• Thousands Standing Around - Testimonials from people that have enjoyed the pleasurable services of the TSA.
• TSA Waste.